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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Henry and Clarissa's job goes awry when Barbara calls Henry by his real name and their target, Mr. Lee, becomes suspicious.  He's about to call the police when FBI agents Katie and Simon show up to whisk the offenders away. 

Today’s episode was directed by Jennifer Pepperman and written by Gordon Rayfield.

 

Transcripts from TVMegasite

Henry: [Australian accent] G'day, mate. How do you say "beer" in Australian?

Clarissa: You're kidding, right?

Henry: What?

Clarissa: 'Cause you sound like you're from Alabama.

Henry: Oh, come on. That's -- I do not sound like I'm -- the Australian's a little harder than I thought it was gonna be, but --

Clarissa: Mm-hmm. Well, you could have realized that before you told me what an expert grifter you are.

Henry: Fine. Sorry.

Clarissa: Yeah, well, save it. It's too late to back up now. Mr. Lee's expecting Simon Frasier. Simon won't do it, so I guess you're the closest thing I've got to Simon Frasier.

Henry: Well, what -- now, why do we have to do it here?

Clarissa: Because he's staying here.

Henry: I live here. Everyone knows me here.

Clarissa: Yeah, but he insisted, and I wasn't gonna argue the point. Uh, I've been working this con for two years, so if you can't pull off the accent, you just shut up, smile, and let me do the talking, okay? Oh, Mr. Lee. Hi. It's so nice to finally meet you.

Mr. Lee: The pleasure is mine. You must be Mr. Frasier.

Henry: [Australian accent] Simon. G'day, mate.

 

Clarissa: So as you can see, there's plenty of room for expansion once the initial units have been sold. And, uh, I think that's going to take about six months from the time we break ground.

Mr. Lee: That's very ambitious.

Clarissa: Yes, well, you know, the only way for a development project to fail is to think too small.

Mr. Lee: I have to congratulate you, Mr. Frasier. You're certainly not lacking in vision.

Henry: [Australian accent] That's how we turned a penal colony into the land of oz.

Clarissa: Well, uh, you'll be interested to know, I'm sure, that investors are already lining up to buy shares in our project.

Mr. Lee: I can see why.

Clarissa: And we don't mean to pressure you, but we are sort of eager to start. So --

Henry: The train is leaving the station, mate. You don't want to get left on the platform.

Clarissa: I think Mr. Lee understands that.

Mr. Lee: Yes, I do. And I am, uh, ready to make a deal.

Henry: Excellent, mate. Excellent. The future belongs to the bold, as they say.

Clarissa: Does that mean you brought a certified check?

Mr. Lee: I have it here.

Clarissa: Excellent. Well, I've prepared the papers, so why don't we just sign them.

Mr. Lee: No need to wait.

Clarissa: What are you doing?

Henry: I'm just making sure everything's in order.

Clarissa: Well, I've already done that.

Henry: Well, you can never be too careful, right, Mr. Lee? All the fine print.

Mr. Lee: Would you like to borrow my reading glasses?

Henry: Thanks. Cheers, mate.

Clarissa: You know, there's no need for that.

Mr. Lee: The -- the check is right here.

Henry: I think we should take Mr. Lee to the site.

Clarissa: The site?

Henry: [Stammers] Yeah. He should see where his money's going.

Clarissa: Well, yes, after we've signed the papers.

Henry: No, I think we should go now and, um -- and sign all the paperwork there, right? Come on, Mr. Lee. Start the -- this way.

Barbara: Henry, hello. Henry?

[Henry sighs]

Barbara: Henry?

Mr. Lee: Why is that woman calling you "Henry"?

Henry: What one?

Mr. Lee: The one at the bar.

Henry: Uh, s -- she's talking to someone else.

Mr. Lee: No, she's looking right at you.

Henry: [Stammers] That's, uh -- that's my neighbor.

Mr. Lee: Why is she calling you "Henry"?

Henry: She's calling me "honey." She calls everybody "honey."

Mr. Lee: No, I'm sure she said "Henry."

Henry: No, she said "honey." Hello, honey. I'll see you later, honey. All right, ready?

Mr. Lee: No, no. I'm not going anywhere. Who are you people? What are you trying to pull?

 

Mr. Lee: I want to know what's going on here.

Clarissa: Everything is going to be fine, Mr. Lee.

Mr. Lee: Are you Henry or Simon?

Henry: I'm both. Uh, Henry's my middle name.

Mr. Lee: Ah. And why do you keep changing accents?

Henry: Well, I -- I've been here for a while.

Clarissa: Why don't we go back and -- and sign the papers, shall we?

Mr. Lee: If you two are trying to scam me, I'm going to make certain that you go to jail for a very long time.

 

Clarissa: Mr. Lee, you've been dealing with us for over a year now. Don't let some confused woman talk you out of a fantastic deal.

Mr. Lee: I'm sorry, but that man doesn't seem to know what he's talking about.

Clarissa: Look, we want you to be nothing but comfortable with us. Take another look at the prospectus, and -- and we can meet at a later time.

Henry: That's a great idea.

Mr. Lee: I want to see some I.D.

Henry: What?

Mr. Lee: You heard me. I want you to prove that you're Simon Frasier.

Clarissa: Well, I don't think that that's necessary.

Mr. Lee: Then I'm going to the police.

Henry: Oh, come on, Mr. Lee. If we were con artists, don't you think we'd have all the fake IDs we need?

Mr. Lee: Oh, very, very clever. But you're not getting off that easily. I have been scammed before, and this feels just like it.

Katie: FBI. Special agent Peretti. This is special agent Coleman. How well do you know these two people?

Mr. Lee: I -- I just met them.

Katie: Have you given them any money?

Mr. Lee: Not yet.

Katie: Then we got here just in time.

Simon: Yeah. We've been chasing these two swindlers for years now.

Mr. Lee: I knew it.

Katie: You have no idea how lucky you are we got here in time. Take them away.

Simon: Okay, guys, you're under arrest. You can be quiet if you want to, but if you've got a lawyer, I suppose you make a phone call. Come on! Go!

Katie: Do you have a business card?

Mr. Lee: Oh, sure.

Katie: Great. Thank you. We may need your help with this case.

Mr. Lee: I'll do anything I can to put those two crooks in jail.

Katie: Thanks. We'll be in touch.

 

Henry: Oh, that was incredibly brilliant! Totally saved our butts.

Simon: Thank Katie. It was her idea.

Henry: You, bubbles, are a lifesaver, yes.

Katie: I have to admit that was really fun.

Simon: Told you you could do anything.

Katie: I can't believe I just did that.

Henry: You made a very fetching agent. You know that? And you -- it was actually fun playing you, up until the point where I almost got caught.

Simon: I'll be honest. The only time you didn't quite sell me on your character.

Clarissa: Well, I am so glad you're all having such a wonderful time, but I just lost two years of work and a huge payday thanks to you.

Simon: Oh, you know, the big scores sometimes get away. You know that.

Clarissa: This one didn't get away. You threw it away. The setup was perfect, and then you decide to fall in love and go straight and settle down in this boring little town with this boring little girl, and it cost me a fortune. Good luck. I hope you've very happy.

Simon: Whoa.

Katie: Whoa.

Henry: I think that's the last time we're gonna see her.

Simon: I, uh -- I hope so.

Henry: I don't know. I -- I kind of liked her.

Katie: Oh, for god's sake, Henry.

Henry: What, what? What did I do?

Katie: You got yourself involved in something that you should not have been a part of, and you put us all at risk.

Simon: No, no, no, no. No, to be fair, that was more my fault than Henry's.

Katie: Right. Actually, you're right. The two of you -- oh, you never change.

 

Simon: Come on. You can't be mad at Henry.

Katie: Why not?

Simon: He was only trying to help me. He didn't want to risk me getting caught and going to jail.

Katie: Really? So you weren't in it for the money?

Henry: Believe me, I have learned my lesson on that one.

Katie: I hope so. But thank you for helping Simon.

Henry: You're welcome.

Katie: Just don't do it again.

Simon: There's gonna be no reason for him to do so.

Henry: Uh -- where is Jacob?

Katie: Oh, he's at the station with the babysitter. I was actually just going to get him.

Henry: No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Uh, I'll go get him. After everything you've done for me, it's the least I can do.

 

Henry: Katie was crying on camera?

Kim: She just has been through too much, and she came back too soon.

Henry: Yeah, I know, but she was really looking forward to this new show.

Kim: You know, I have a pretty good idea of what she's going through. I've been a widow myself.

Henry: It isn't easy, is it?

Kim: Definitely not. I mean, you always have, you know, so many memories you're trying to deal with, and you're trying to find your balance. And you begin to think you're doing better, and then all of the sudden, your judgment fails, and -- and you make a mistake, and the whole thing falls apart.

Henry: Kim, don't take this away from her. She -- she needs this.

Kim: I -- I just don't want this to overwhelm her.

Henry: She can handle it.

Kim: Yes, I agree with you. I think she can. But it is going to take a lot of help from her family, from her co-workers, and from her friends.

Henry: Don't worry. I won't let her down.

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