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Monday, February 1, 2010

Katie has invited virtual stranger Reid to be her roommate.  Henry is not happy about it and thinks he would be a better choice.  But Katie doesn't want any reminders of her past (i.e., Brad); she wants a roommate with no baggage.  Henry reluctantly agrees, but conspires with baby Jacob to find a way to get Reid out.

Today’s episode was directed by Habib Azar and written by Leslie Nipkow.

 

Transcripts from TVMegasite

Henry: Um, who the hell is this guy?

Katie: I just told you. This is Dr. Reid Oliver, my new roommate.

Reid: You didn't say anything about a threesome.

Henry: A threesome?

Katie: Henry doesn't live here.

Henry: No, I -- not technically I don't live -- I don't get my mail here. But, uh, I'm here a lot. I'm actually here almost all the time. I have my own key.

Reid: So do I. And I will be getting my mail here.

Katie: Uh, Reid, this is Henry Coleman, my best friend. Dr. Oliver is the one who prescribed the antibiotics for Jacob's earache.

Henry: That's great. And now you're gonna move in with him? Do you think that's such a good idea?

Katie: Um, yeah. I'll have a doctor in the house.

Henry: You know, Oakdale is a small town. Why haven't I seen you here before?

Katie: He just moved here.

Reid: If you frisk me, I'm gonna expect you to take me out to dinner.

Henry: [Laughs] What kind of doctor are you again?

Reid: Brain surgeon.

Henry: With a minor in pediatrics?

Katie: Henry --

Henry: Listen, don't you remember that doctor in England, the one that turned out to be a serial killer?

Reid: Harold shipman. I examined his brain as part of a neurological study into the origins of evil. Don't worry. I haven't used what I learned to kill anyone -- yet. I got to get back to the hospital. Why don't we do this later, just the two of us?

Katie: Sure.

Reid: I'll text you when I'm finished rounding.

Henry: Uh, has he signed the lease yet?

Katie: Not yet.

Henry: That's great. That will save me the trouble of ripping it up.

 

Katie: Is it just Reid you have a problem with or the whole idea of me having a roommate in general?

Henry: Just Reid.

Katie: Why? You don't know anything about him.

Henry: I know that he's very impressed with himself. I know you're gonna have to raise the ceiling to accommodate his head.

[Katie laughs]

Henry: See, I -- see? You agree with me. And I also think he's very insensitive to the feelings of others, namely me.

Katie: This was your idea in the first place!

Henry: No, it was not.

Katie: Yes, it was! You agreed with me that it's hard to live alone, especially with a newborn.

Henry: It is.

Katie: So, I'm trying to make it easier on myself. What am I supposed to do? Sit here alone every night after I put Jacob to sleep?

Henry: No, no, no! But you don't need Dr. Mcbrainy to keep you company.

Katie: Why not?

Henry: 'Cause you got me!

 

Katie: We cannot live together, Henry. We're too close.

Henry: Close is a good thing.

Katie: Yeah, I know. You're my best friend, and I don't want to lose you.

Henry: Then great. This way, we'll be together all the time.

Katie: Yeah, fighting over the bathroom and who's gonna take out the trash.

Henry: I -- I'll do the man jobs. I don't mind.

Katie: No. I will do my own man jobs, thank you very much. I have made up my mind.

Henry: Look, you know, this guy could be strange or -- or psychotic.

Katie: Or insane, like you.

Henry: No, he is nothing like me. He -- oh, my god. What if he doesn't like old movies, Katie? You know how a man is when he gets control of the remote. I -- it's not gonna be Tracy and Hepburn anymore. It could be the sports network all the time.

Katie: We cannot live together, Henry.

Henry: Why not?

Katie: You know why. We almost lost each other after brad died. We are friends again, and I don't want anything to screw that up.

Henry: Like what?

Katie: Like brad. You living here would just be a constant reminder of what happened. I would be a reminder to you. Reid was not a part of that, so that's why he's perfect, because he doesn't -- come with all the bad memories.

Henry: Okay, so, uh -- so you do like him.

Katie: No, no. Are you kidding me? I didn't even sleep with Simon. Why would I sleep with a total stranger?

Henry: It's been known to happen.

Katie: Not to me. So, can you help me out later?

Henry: Yeah, of course I can. Listen, if you even get the slightest, weird vibe from this guy, would you promise not to go through with this?

Katie: I promise. Oh, before I forget, Jacob needs his antibiotics every four hours. The next one's at 4:00.

Henry: Okay. Oh, and before I forget, would you ask Dr. Big brain if he studied babysitting at Harvard?

Katie: As a matter of fact, he did tell me he was part of an infant study.

Henry: As the control group?

Katie: Goodbye, Henry.

 

Henry: Dr. Oliver. Wait a second. Hey, I -- I know you heard me. Would you please stop, please?

Reid: If you're here to challenge me to a duel, I left my sword in my other lab coat.

Henry: No, no. I'm -- I'm here to apologize. Look, Katie -- Katie's husband died a few months ago, the same day that Jacob was born, actually.

Reid: Ouch.

Henry: Ouch. Yeah, ouch. And anyway, she's a little lost right now, and she's spending a lot of time alone, and for bubbles -- that's this nickname I give to Katie -- for bubbles, being alone is not such a good thing. So I'm -- I'm glad that you are moving in with her.

Reid: What do you mean, lost?

Henry: Well, how would you feel if the man that you love was shot and killed before he had a chance to see his kid?

Reid: I'm not quite sure how to answer that.

Henry: Well, you'd be a mess. And if you were Katie, then that would mean long crying, hysterical jags to like 3:00 A.M., And inappropriate laughter and sudden mood swings and rage and then smashing the dishes, which scares the beejeebees out of the baby. But you being a world-famous brain surgeon, I'm sure you can handle all that. Cutting into noggins all day, so you must have nerves of steel, which you are going to need.

Reid: I sleep with earplugs.

Henry: [Sighs] Great. Well, I tried that, too. Good luck, doc.

Reid: I don't blame you for wanting to keep a beautiful woman like bubbles all to yourself.

Henry: Don't call her that.

Reid: Truth is, I'm rather moody myself. Even world-famous brain surgeons have needs. And with a hottie like Katie on the other side --

Henry: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't talk like that. No, no, no, don't -- she's a -- she's a mother. You will scar Jacob for life.

Reid: Babies are resilient. I learned that at Harvard. Don't worry, uncle Henry. You can trust me.

Henry: Why should I?

Reid: You know, I don't know. Excuse me. I have some patients to see.

 

Henry: Okay, I tried. I really tried. I gave the guy a chance. I did. But I don't trust him. I don't care if he did go to hah-vard. I really don't. The guy is sleazy. He is sleazy, and you don't need sleaze right now. I will find you a roommate, Katie, all right? A female, preferably a nun.

Katie: Could you be more over-the-top?

Henry: W -- why, 'cause I don't want you living with a serial killer?

Katie: He's not a killer. Henry, he's actually quite the opposite.

Henry: How do you know that?

Katie: Because I searched him. And it turns out that Dr. Oliver is one of the top neurosurgeons in the world.

Henry: [Stammers] So? That doesn't make him a good roommate.

Katie: We'll be fine! Besides, we probably won't even see each other that much, between his patients and the show.

Henry: I thought you said you wanted a roommate so you wouldn't feel so alone.

Katie: I think just knowing he's around will help. Besides, if you get too crazy, he can give you a home lobotomy.

Henry: You know, you better clean out the freezer, because severed heads take up a lot of room.

Katie: Don't forget to give Jacob his antibiotics. Be good to uncle Henry, okay? He's a little -- fragile today.

[Henry scoffs]

Katie: Showoff.

 

Henry: You're not gonna like this. It's really awful. I won't lie to you. You're just gonna -- no, you're just gonna have to hold your nose and -- and swallow, okay? There you go. There you go. There you go. Oh! Oh, there you go. Good. You just have to swallow it. There we go. Just like I have to swallow your mommy's new roommate.

[Baby laughs]

Henry: [Laughs] You're right. Maybe I don't. No, actually, I do not. I do not have to roll over for the good doctor. You've given me a great idea. If we can find a way, we're gonna get rid of him. How about that? Hey!

 

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